This is the first story I consciously choose to share publicly, so a brief introduction feels fitting. My name is Rayna Mensink. I am a beginner witch and an intuitive reader, drawn to the mystical side of life. One of my favorite things is allowing myself to be enlightened by the unknown, the symbolic, the community.

Like any human vessel, I have my limits in grasping what we might call God. Still, I believe in the quiet power that comes from trusting in the magic we, as intuitive souls, carry within us. We are capable of things we would not even dare to dream of.

In this chapter of my life (where I celebrate and give voice to the divine presence within me) I would like to share a story that recently emerged while navigating the terrain of lust-driven desires.

Friday, 18 July - Lust

The choices I make from lust are not always tactical, I say in the nicest way. I know everybody gets horny or may feel lusty for what they desire. Food, alcohol, sex, drugs but also validation, money, power, success. For myself I can be very greedy when it comes to food. This could seem exaggerated, but it is quite agitating when you know it comes from a deeper feeling of emptiness. Sexual desire comes after I feel upset about my overly full stomach. Therefore, I recently have been going on a retreat from certain desires like sugars or watching porn. The goal of this diet is partly for understanding my lust on a deeper level so I can transmute it into something more powerful and divine.

Today I had this kind of “push the limits” situation.

I got the chance to get to know my lust on a deeper level after I did everything to keep it happy but contained like grabbing a handful of walnuts. Now I know that lust cannot be contained without a proper introduction, some serious self-reflection and healing. I have been on pathways of self-sabotage many times now and I know better than to revel myself in cravings. The feeling of emptiness will never go away like that and if I do give in, I will hate myself after.

My lust is a devil in disguise. She comes in innocent and in the mood for some attention. She likes the most delicious delights. Like a sip from a smoky whiskey or a taste from a ripe truffle cheese. She is expensive to keep happy because it is never enough! Before I know it, the headspace is in despair and lust will let me believe I love it. Because deep down I want to just let go and let destruction do its duty.

My sacral chakra was out of balance (I felt lustful for instant gratifications that are not allowed within the barriers of my retreat), and I needed to connect with my true needs so I could satisfy myself in a healthy way. I do this with Yoga. I looked at my balancing math, but the irritation of my dirty room got the best of me. The perfectionist wanted to clean everything now because I felt dirty and impure. It came down to procrastinating behavior. My plan to connect with myself felt like a mount Everest to be walked. Me believing that I must be perfect when making healthy decisions, made it so heavy. Everything needs to be clean and operating at a perfect frequency. My head made all these little, in between tasks. I needed to wash my clothes first, then make the bed and after dust and vacuum the area. This mindset made my souls need to connect with my body so much harder to achieve and the egos need to eat grow only stronger because of it.

Normally I would give in by now, but the feeling of responsibility for my goals is strong. I decided to write down my feelings. I transmuted my lustful energy from my sacral into something creative and authentic to myself. It gave me freedom and hope. When done writing, I saw a leave laying in the soil of my cleansing plant (a peace lily). It was wrinkled and imperfect. Still, I did not doubt its power. The green leave was the perfect symbol for the lesson I learned this day. After doing my yoga in my imperfect room, I got inspired to write this blog and post it on my website. I am grateful for this fulfillment feeling. Thank you, God, the universe, spirits, my higher self and thank you reader.

Teachings

-        It is normal for us humans to destroy what we have built so tenderly with effort. Our animalistic nature is prone to disruptive energy. Sometimes it comes from fear other times from a sense of control or lust.

-        When you take one step towards God (something you believe in, yourself) it will take a step if not ten steps towards you. It wants to help raise you! Have trust in the process.

-        I may feel impure/imperfect from inside out and still profit from balancing on an intention at a higher frequency (read again)

-        Be grateful for your flaws and imperfections because they can be fuel for your biggest creations yet.

-        Stay open for help because a lot are willing to step towards your salvation.

-        Being grateful makes us powerful.

Affirmation

Lust is my muse, and I transmute her into inspiration in service of my highest good.